My Grandma Martha was the wisest woman I have ever known. I spent much of my childhood in her home, which was the greatest blessing I have ever received with the only exception being receiving salvation. My grandma was the daughter of a full-blood Blackfoot Indian mother and a West Virginia coal miner father. Her childhood was one of poverty, at least monetary poverty. She often spoke of “overflowing love” and “lessons from the heart.” This category is dedicated to her memory. The lessons from the heart I learned from her have defined who I am today.
Grandma taught me a very valuable lesson about character when I was 11 years old. I was a cheerleader in the 7th grade. This was quite an accomplishment for me considering I had a stuttering problem until the 5th grade and was actually quite shy. “Junior High School” was my first opportunity to meet new classmates who did not know of my previous stuttering problem as several elementary schools joined together to form one Jr High. I tried out for and was chosen to be a basketball cheerleader. How excited I was. Now I was in the “popular crowd” for the first time in my life. My happiness was short-lived however because one of my classmates, Rita, who I had spent the previous 6 years with did not make the cheerleader cut. She was very upset to have been overlooked and what she believed was “her spot” was given to me. During our second basketball game just after our halftime presentation, Rita led a chant making fun of my previous stuttering problem. I was so embarrassed. I went home in tears and filled with anger towards her for telling all my new friends my secret. My grandma let me cry and say nasty things about Rita for a few minutes. Then she told me a story her mother had told her when she was very young. She called the story, The Wolves Within.
An old Grandfather Indian Chief spoke softly to his young grandson, who had come crying to him with anger in his heart towards a friend who had embarrassed him in front of all their friends. The grandfather explained that he too had felt great anger and even hate towards people at times for being mean to him. Grandfather said that hate only wears the person doing the hating down and does not hurt the person who has caused you great sorrow. He said that he had struggled with many emotions throughout his life and compared them to having two wolves inside him.
Grandfather explained one wolf is good and does no harm. This wolf likes people and wants to live in harmony with everyone around him. This wolf has the emotions of peace, love, hope, kindness, compassion, generosity, empathy, faith, and serenity. The other wolf is bad and full of anger and hatred towards others. His emotions are ones of envy, sorrow, self-pity, greed, resentment, lies, false pride, superiority, arrogance, and regret. Grandfather said it was hard having both of these wolves living inside him, like they were living inside everyone else too. He said the wolves are always competing to see who is the strongest and who will dominate our spirit and claim our soul.
The grandson thought about what his grandfather had just told him and a concerned look came over his face. “Grandfather” he asked, “Which wolf wins?” The Grandfather hesitates for a moment and looks straight into his grandson’s eyes, places his right index finger on his grandson’s heart and quietly states, “The one you feed.”
I will never forget that story. I can still see Grandma looking me straight in the eyes and feel her finger on my heart and hear her stern but loving voice say, “The one you feed.” I knew it was up to me to decide which wolf in my heart I wanted to control my feelings and emotions. I could allow Rita’s jealousy and anger over not being selected as cheerleader to make me full of self-pity and anger towards her cruel ridicule, or I could remember what it was like to not win something I thought I deserved and have compassion for her loss and disappointment.
My Grandmother was 100% correct in that anger only wears you down. It does not help the situation. I will admit I have to be constantly aware of which wolf inside me I feed each day. They are both there, both waiting to be fed. It is up to me to choose which wolf to feed. Which wolf did you feed today?
